San
Andreas 3D (2015/Warner
Blu-ray 3D w/Blu-ray 2D and DVD)
3D
Picture: B- Picture: B-/C Sound: B/C+ Extras: C-
Films: D
The
worst, most overpaid star (note we NEVER use the word 'actor') in all
of Hollywood cinema history is Dwayne ''The Rock'' Johnson, proof
that the studio system has lost its mind to make a quick buck.
Following the massive success of Furious
7
(reviewed elsewhere on this site), he could have appeared in a film
on knitting and it would have made money, but instead we get another
bad, unneeded post-9/11 disaster tale in (hack-to-be?) Brad Peyton's
San
Andreas
(2015), a trainwreck of a narrative where the famous fault starts to
become dangerously active and only you know who can save America!?!
Poor
Carla Gugino, Ioan Gruffold (this is his punishment for those 2
Fantastic
Four
films?) and Paul Giamatti (just getting his paycheck) are wasted in
an extremely formula disaster flick that has ultra-phony digitally
boulders and rocks that somehow are only upstaged by the phoniness of
a 'rock' who is allegedly human, even if his 'performance'
(sleepwalking though all 114 minutes as if he is literally pausing
for applause and cheers he thinks are happening in theaters screening
this mess; time every such moment for yourself and tell me)
delivering a 'unique' blend of boredom, arrogance, smugness, posing
for holy pictures, 'frontin' and something resembling human emoting
that is so bad, critics worldwide owe Bruce Willis an apology. You
start rooting for the fault to kill the cast and get it over with.
The
editing is sloppy, the music score forgettable and yet, this made way
too much money. The characters have to survive a huge earthquake
that exceed 9 on the Richter Scale, but as one of the worst films
ever made, it ranks more like a 19! So bad, it makes The Weather
Channel seem like the Chiller Network, save two hours of your life
and more on!
Otherwise,
expect to set a record for most yawning in your life in less than two
hours if its war-without-end, subliminal ultra-cynicism doesn't make
you throw a few bricks at your HDTV first.
It
is ironic to say anything here is three-dimensional, but the 1080p
2.35 X 1 MVC-encoded 3-D - Full Resolution digital High Definition
image has all some slight ghosting and alignment issues that extend
the phoniness, flaws that carry over to the 1080p 2D 2.35 X 1 digital
High Definition image transfer that shows how plastic, flat and even
sloppy the production is. Needless to say the
anamorphically enhanced DVD version is often unwatchable.
Released
theatrically in Dolby Atmos 11.1, the worst film to offer the format
to date, both Blu-ray editions offer that and Dolby TrueHD 7.1 mixes
that are all noise and zero character, things are not as well
recorded all around and even the mix can be choppy, awkward and
sloppy meaning you won't hear anyone seriously say 'great sound, if
only the movie were good'... Along with the especially worse, lossy
Dolby Digital 5.1 on the DVD, it is all noise, no point and the nadir
of sound design for Disaster Genre features.
Unfortunately,
extras (they actually furnished us with some!!!) in this lame,
lenticular slipcase packaging includes Digital HD Ultraviolet Copy
for PC, PC portable and iTunes capable devices, while we get a
feature length audio commentary track by the director in all formats
and the Blu-rays add a Stunt Reel, mercifully Deleted Scenes and a
Gag Reel that will make you 'gag' for al the wrong reasons.
Someone
ought to dump this Razzie-worthy disgrace into a fault and forget it
ever happened!
-
Nicholas Sheffo
