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Category:    Home > Reviews > Horror > Vampire > 3-D > Blood, Guts & Vampires 3-D

Blood, Guts & Vampires Collection (Razor Digital 3-D)

 

Picture: D†††† Sound: D†††† Extras: D†††† Films: D

 

 

Razor Digital has put together a few different packages that include 3-D films from their catalogue - this six-film set being one of them.There is also a larger box offered which includes all the movies offered here (Evil Unleashed: The Mummy being the sole exception) dubbed 3-D Theater with two pairs of the special stereoscopic 3-D glasses needed to view these films as they were intended, along with several other titles to sweeten the deal a little bit.While I can't speak personally for the larger set mentioned above, I definitely have more than a few words to say about the moviemaking standards presented in the collection at hand.

First off - these movies are abysmal.Coming from a guy who loves cheap horror, these would have to be pretty low on the rung for me to go that far with my critique.It is true, though - just about any sane person will have a hard time coming up with what was going on in the creators' heads.I could understand if these were pornos done on the cheap and then disguised as low budget horror movies... but the nudity level is too low overall, which rules that one out.Even the one showcasing stripping vampirettes is a puzzling one - as these strippers bare very little skin, and their dancing involves nervously strutting about with no eroticism or mystique at all.In fact, the most intense "seductively seducing" (sic) dancing you'll be seeing comes from an ancient dancing mummy chick... complete with rotted away face and bandaged in gauze from head to toe. Well, maybe the real stripper they hired to do the job for Blood Sisters pulled it off better, but that's another story.

I didn't have the 3-D glasses necessary to view these movies properly on purpose to judge the content, but judging from what others online had to say, the effect doesn't work all the time, and when it does - expect something less than extraordinary.Glasses or not, you'll still have the option of viewing the 2-D version of each one of the films.I imagine that seeing three-dimensional boobs on TV might heighten the experience of these movies somewhat, but never to the point where I could honestly recommend watching even one of these movies the whole way through.

Right now I'll provide a brief description of each of the movies included so you have some idea what you'd get if you decided to follow through with a purchase.In no particular order...


Hunting Season is a basic and clunky rip-off of the cult classic I Spit On Your Grave, but done without any artistry, purpose, or merit that film possesses.There is a large twist involved here, but it's blatantly announced long before it is actually revealed to the audience, and once the revelation does come about, the film still plods on for several more minutes into even more embarrassing and stupid territory.

Bloody Tease and Blood Sisters both involve groups of female vampires looking for fresh blood in their own ways - the former by posing as strippers who suck the blood of their would be clients; the latter posing as sorority sisters who lure away college guys and the occasional stripper to leech a little blood from.

 

Zombie Chronicles... "In the tradition of Tales From The Crypt and Dawn Of The Dead" my ass.Skip this one above all, you'll feel better.

Evil Unleashed: The Mummy... a dancing mummy.That's all you need to know.

Lastly, Camp Blood - a boring slasher movie featuring someone in a scary clown mask mowing down people in the woods.

Onward to video and sound.Both are terrible here - poorly recorded video, and even worse audio to accompany it.Repetitive MIDI guitar riffs and synthesized scores are everywhere, with no redubbing or credible sound effects added - itís honestly like every sound effect was pulled off of a single home PC editing program that would retail for about $9.99 and slapped into the movies with no regards of how it fit. All of the features are presented in full screen, as they were made exclusively to cash in on the video market.It's hard to tell how good the mastering was on these, as the photography is constantly shoddy and the digital video causes a lot of problems with color and lighting.

Stay away from this particular set - you might get a few laughs out of watching these in 3-D with your friends over one sitting, but after that you'll be left with a stack of shiny new coasters.If you must get this, please don't watch it alone, and don't say I didn't warn you.Weíll review Razorís 3-D kit when we return, but know that these titles put the D (as in Duh!) into 3-D and thatís not a good thing.

 

 

-†† David Milchick


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