Hercules (1983)/The Adventures of Hercules
(1985)
Picture: C Sound:
C Extras: C- Films: D
Contrary to popular belief, Cannon Films did produce a handful of
very good movies such as That Championship Season, The Hanoi Hilton,
Runaway Train, Street Smart, Barfly and 52 Pick-Up as
well as some guilty pleasures starring Charles Bronson and Chuck Norris like 10
to Midnight, Murphy's Law, Death Wish 4, The Delta Force
and Missing In Action trilogy. Those were the exceptions, though,
not the rule, and Cannon could never live down its infamous reputation as a
mini-major that always did things on the cheap -- just take a look at the
Cannon-produced Superman IV: The Quest for Peace to see what I mean.
Cannon was run by two Israelis, Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus,
who were not-so-affectionately nicknamed the Go-Go Boys within the film
industry. And while I do appreciate that Golan and Globus produced a
lot of right-of-center, pro-American films that are very politically incorrect
by the hypersensitive standards of today, they also were
undeniably responsible for a lot of schlock. This schlock is
typified by three Cannon Films I watched in recent weeks, John and Bo Derek's Bolero
and MGM's DVD double feature of Hercules (1983) and The Adventures of
Hercules (1985). Without exaggeration, I can honestly say these are
three of the most inept and boring movies I've ever seen. Even showing
lots of Bo Derek's beautiful nude body isn't enough to make save Bolero
from terminal boredom, while both Hercules movies are shockingly
incompetent on every conceivable level.
Both of these Hercules films were produced in Italy
and star a badly dubbed Lou Ferrigno as the mighty title
character. It's hard to believe the first one opened in fourth place
in its opening weekend at the North American box-office on the last
weekend of August 1983. Must have been a very slow week, and a lot of
7-year-old boys who didn't know any better. Both Hercules and its
1985 sequel, which thankfully never opened in the U.S., suffer from
chintzy, laughable special effects (even by early 1980s standards),
cinematography that doesn't match within the same scene, stilted dialogue and
the terrible dubbing of Ferrigno. The best special effect in both films
is a clip in the sequel of Medusa that's footage borrowed from 1981's
Clash of the Titans, a big MGM production that made the mistake of
opening too close to Raiders Of The Lost Ark.
Both of these were written and directed by Lewis Coates
according to the DVD credits, but that's really a pseudonym for Italian
director Luigi Cozzi. I also wouldn't want my real name used if I were
responsible for something this horrid. Oh, and in case you're wondering,
the only reason both of these atrocities get a rating of D above is because
D is the lowest letter grade allowed on FulvueDrive-in's rating scale.
Hercules and The Adventures of Hercules have been given a
respectable transfer to DVD by MGM, but even the most elaborate treatment
imaginable wouldn't improve these colossal turkeys. Both films
are 1.85:1 and have been transferred in anamorphic widescreen. Makes
you wonder why these two abysmal cheapos got an anamorphic widescreen transfer
while MGM DVD releases from a couple years ago with cult followings such as Remo
Williams: The Adventure Begins, White Lightning and Gator with
Burt Reynolds and Real Men with Jim Belushi and John Ritter were
released full screen only?
Well, it only helps so much because these transfers so the age of
the film, there visual effects, the stocks they were shot on and what looks
like NTSC analog transfers recycled.
The Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo is down a few generations, with so little
Pro Logic stereo surround sound on both films that one will ask “what’s the
point” during playback. The theatrical
trailer of each film is all in terms of extras, but then, enough is
enough.
- Chuck O'Leary
