Santa Claus Conquers The Martians (Passport)

 

Picture: C-     Sound: C     Extras: D     Film: D

 

 

Consistently named on e of the worst films of all time, including on the hilarious recent 50 Worst Movies Ever Made DVD reviewed elsewhere on this site, people still howl when you tell them about Santa Claus Conquers The Martians.  Made back in 1964 with some special toys even made by the great Marx Toys Company, the film is still a howler over four decades later with a cast of mostly unknowns giving us the far-from-classic story of how Martians want to capture everyone’s favorite red-clad gift-giver.  It is a mess, but an amusing mess.

 

Another sign of trouble is the acting debut of Pia Zadora as a child actor playing “GirlMar” the Martian Girl, and to think that is a highlight!  Running a long 80 minutes, director Nicholas Webster has no idea what to do with the story or the crazy sets.  Martians think Santa can help them or they can learn more about earth without kidnapping the average earthling, but it is just so stale, pointless and odd that train wrecks cannot compete.  Of course, they are tearing themselves apart, so why kidnap two human children?  At least it is not full of it, because it is not preachy or has any crazy religious overtones like so much such holiday material has now.  It is trying to be fun for kids, even though it fails just about all the time.  You have to see it once to believe it.

 

The 1.33 X 1 image is in bad shape, with fading color, debris, lack of detail and depth, though the original colors must have been amusing.  Who knows if this aspect ratio is correct.  The Dolby Digital 2.0 Mono fares a little better, but not by much.  There are no chapter stops, so you can imagine there are no extras, giving it a weird David Lynch feel.  At least he sometimes has extras on his titles.  See Santa Claus – The Movie (1985) elsewhere on this site for something a bit more ambitious.

 

 

-   Nicholas Sheffo