The Hitcher (2007/Theatrical Film Review)

 

Stars: Sean Bean, Sophia Bush, Zachary Knighton

Director: Dave Meyers

Critic's rating: 3 out of 10

 

Review by Chuck O'Leary

 

The original version of The Hitcher is an absolutely relentless horror-thriller that was quite ruthless by 1986 standards.  After initially failing at the box office (it was in and out of most theaters in two weeks), it eventually found more of an audience on home video and cable, and is now regarded by many as one of the best horror films of the 1980s.

 

Written by the underrated Eric Red (Near Dark, Cohen and Tate, Blue Steel) and directed by Robert Harmon (a career high for him), the original is about a young man named Jim Halsey (C. Thomas Howell) driving from Chicago to San Diego, who makes the mistake of picking up a hitchhiker one dark and rainy night.  Unfortunately for Halsey, the hitchhiker, who says his name is John Ryder, turns out to be a vicious killer (Rutger Hauer).

 

Interestingly, Hauer's killer wants to die, and when Howell manages to throw him out of his moving car, the homicidal maniac believes he's finally found someone strong enough to put him out of his misery.  But before the killer gets his wish, he'll put the young man through a living hell.

 

The original film is essentially an intense psychological battle between two men, one good and one evil.  And the killer, who often exhibits an almost supernatural ability to appear and disappear at will, might even harbor a secret sexual desire for the resilient young man he's terrorizing -- as evidenced in a scene where Howell's character spits in Hauer's face and Hauer licks his prey's saliva.  Then again, maybe it's just the behavior someone who's totally insane.

 

The 2007 remake of The Hitcher has more on-screen bloodshed than the original, but it jettisons the very component that made the original so interesting.  Gone is the central mano a mano struggle, and in its place we're given a dumbed-down interpretation of the material (John Wade Wall and Eric Bernt have reworked Red's screenplay) that's ultimately a lot more PC and much safer.

 

For instance, brutal moments that remained off-screen in the original are graphically shown in the remake, such as the aftermath of a family's murder and a truck pulling a person apart.  But despite being about 15 minutes shorter than the 97-minute original, the pacing is off in the remake, which actually feels longer than the original.  Unnecessary moments are added like a shower scene with a sappy pop song playing during it. There's also a Nine Inch Nails song that plays on the soundtrack as the killer massacres several cops, clearly an offensive tactic to make the murders of police officers a sequence for young audiences to cheer.

 

Jim Halsey (played here by Zachary Knighton) is still the name of the terrorized young man and "John Ryder" (Sean Bean) is still the alias of the homicidal maniac.  However, the remake gives Halsey a traveling companion in the form of an attractive girlfriend (Sophia Bush), who'll eventually become the hero of the piece, an obvious PC move.  God forbid a white male be the lone hero of a movie nowadays.  Clearly, the makers of the remake have reworked things not only to be more PC, but also to pander to wider demographics.

 

I guess the people behind the remake (including co-producer Michael Bay) thought the original was too male, and instead of the more-ordinary young woman in the original (played by Jennifer Jason Leigh) who becomes a victim, we're now given the obligatory "hot chick" who replaces Halsey as the one strong enough to stop the killer.  

 

That brings us to veteran screen heavy Bean, who never makes us forget about Hauer for a second.  Hauer was menacing in a quiet way, but also made the Ryder character a larger-than-life phantom.  Bean's Ryder seems to talk more, but sorely lacks Hauer's mystique.

 

The Hitcher remake has a lot more in common with Hitcher II: I've Been Waiting, a typically dreadful direct-to-DVD sequel from a few years back in which C. Thomas Howell returned as Halsey, but was killed off early, leaving Kari Wuhrer to battle Jake Busey's psychotic hitchhiker.  But what do you expect when you hire a music-video director (Dave Meyers) to remake a cult classic?

 

With way too many terrible remakes in recent years like The Fog, The Amityville Horror, Dawn of the Dead, When a Stranger Calls, Black Christmas and The Omen, and several others planned (including Halloween and Friday the 13th), I have a not-so-subtle message for a creatively bankrupt Hollywood: STOP DOING CRAP REMAKES OF PERFECTLY FINE HORROR FILMS FROM THE '70s and '80s.