Planet Of The Apes (2001/Blu-ray)
Picture:
B Sound: B+ Extras: C- Film: D
For
years, Fox tried to revive the Planet Of
The Apes franchise as much as Warner recently had for Superman. There had been several interesting screenplay
drafts, as well as some interesting names attached to a potential revival, but
things kept not working out. Eventually,
Fox seemed to throw in the towel somewhat and gave the project to an unlikely
director, Tim Burton. He was known for
having hits, but nothing one would think of as thinking Science Fiction.
A feature
was finally greenlighted with Mark Wahlberg as the main astronaut, though not playing the Charlton Heston role
from the original film. Heston would
show up as an ape in an ill-advised cameo and that was just the tip of how
ill-advised this remake would be. After
Wahlberg’s character arrives and goers into the expected shock seeing talking,
advanced apes, the action begins…
Unfortunately,
that action is boring and much noisier than narrative. Tim Roth and Michael Clark Duncan play evil
apes, while Helena Bonham Carter is the Zira-like good ape. The William Boyles Jr./Lawrence Konner/Mark
Rosenthal screenplay likely had additional writers and was such a wreck that as
the film was being test marketed to death at the last minute, alternate endings
were being shot only a few weeks before the theatrical release date. The film lands up feeling even more
mechanical than that.
Burton
later admitted he was not interested in the material and when that happens,
Burton becomes a hack, just moving things along instead of directing and
creating at his best. In many ways, this
is the worst film he will ever make and it was a while before he directed
anything again. This gives Wahlberg no
direction and he lands up whining his way through this mess, while Estella
Parsons (as a Nova-like character), Paul Giamatti (as another ape) and Kris
Kristofferson are also all cast in vain.
There are
also the space ships that look like electric shavers, Rick Baker wasting his time
badly updating the groundbreaking original make-up designs, making them as
uninnovative as possible. There is the
choppy feel of the editing and a two-hour film that runs on forever and says
nothing. If Fox thought they were going
to have a hit by skirting the franchise’s classic handling of issues like race,
class, evolution and humanity, they were sadly mistaken. The resulting film joins The Avengers as one of the worst revivals of all time. Instead of a vibrant new franchise, this
bombed like the Godzilla revival and no sequels followed.
Wahlberg
was caught up in a cycle of really bad remakes, but remarkably, no one’s career
was ruined too badly (except the writers, with Boyles doing decent War genre
work) and all who survived this mess were very lucky. Looked at six years later, this is a huge
embarrassment and even huger missed opportunity. One of these days, there will be a book on
all the versions that did not get made and we bet all of them will seem
ingenious as compared to the final product here. Burton’s Planet
Of The Apes is one of the all-time big budget remake disasters.
The 1080p
2.35 X 1 digital MPEG-2 @ 18 MBPS High Definition image is nothing to get
excited about either. Besides the dark,
tired, would-be semi-gothic look in the production design and said approach by
cinematographer Philippe Rousselot, A.F.C., A.S.C., in what is his some of his
poorest work, this looks like an older HD transfer with some tweaking that
looks like the telecine artist was still thinking DVD. Some edge enhancement is part of the
trouble. This looks only marginally
better than the surprisingly weak DVD when all is said and done.
The DTS
HD Master Audio lossless 192kHz/24-bit 5.1 mix is should have also been a
winner, but despite undeniable sonics and clarity in the better action scenes,
it is also one of the most obnoxious mixes in the Action or Science Fiction
genre in years. Despite the simple
stereo or mono of the previous films and TV shows, they all had better music
(Danny Elfman turns in one of the most pompous scores of his career, always
blasting and announcing the “importance” of the film and his score to no avail)
and more interesting sound editing.
Here, all we get is that obnoxious music, sound effects that are too
self-impressed and a new record for most growling in cinema history.
Yes, the
Apes growl their way through this film so much, you’d think you were at an
amusement park. It also shows just how
bad the dialogue was to begin with. The
best DTS HD chip upcoming is likely to make this even more annoying. As for extras, Burton’s audio commentary is
laughable but not as obnoxious as the growls and you get the original
theatrical trailer in HD.
If you
want to get to the real gems of the franchise or wash your brain of this wreck,
try the original five films and two underrated TV series from the 1970s. You can check out our thorough coverage at
the following links as we wait for the original series to hit Blu-ray:
1968 35th Anniversary
Edition
http://www.fulvuedrive-in.com/review/743/Planet+Of+The+Apes+Widescreen+35th+Anniversary+DTS+set
Legacy Collection
http://www.fulvuedrive-in.com/review/3543/Planet+Of+The+Apes+–+The+Legacy+Collection
Beneath The Planet Of The Apes
Limited Edition CD Soundtrack
http://www.fulvuedrive-in.com/review/197/Beneath+The+Planet+Of+The+Apes+(Limited+CD
Conquest Of/Battle For The Planet
Of The Apes Limited Edition CD Soundtrack
http://www.fulvuedrive-in.com/review/968/Conquest+Of/Battle+For+The+Planet+Of+The+Apes+(Limited+CD
1974 Live-Action TV Series
http://www.fulvuedrive-in.com/review/4511/Planet+Of+The+Apes:+The+Complete+TV+Series+(1974/Live+Action)
1975 Animated TV Series
http://www.fulvuedrive-in.com/review/4477/Return+To+The+Planet+Of+The+Apes+(1975/Animated+TV+series)
- Nicholas Sheffo
