Miss March (2009/Fox Blu-ray)

 

Picture: B-     Sound: B-     Extras: D     Film: D

 

 

The Playboy Empire has had many changes to contend with, like new media, Neo-Conservatism, Religious Right nutcases, lies about human sexuality, hatred of women, women who hate themselves and censorship all around.  The magazine has survived against big competitors (Penthouse went bankrupt before coming back, Hustler is proudly morally bankrupt and ironically the second most successful magazine in the field next to Playboy) and the closing of its clubs, but licensing can be tricky and Miss March (2009) is the sad nadir of the magazine’s legacy.

 

Co-Writer/Co-Directors/Co-Stars Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore (it took two people to make this mess?!?) a young man (Cregger) comes out of a coma after four years and decides to pursue the title character, the woman of his dreams.  Unfortunately, it turns into our nightmare and you’ll wish he stayed comatose!

 

This pathetic 90 minutes long waste of time totally contradicts everything that ever made the magazine fun.  It is mostly sexless, a joke and beyond stupid (R-rated or uncut) as if it were made by the very people who tried to de-sex and destroy the magazine, especially in the 1980s and it has nothing to do with the studio handling it.  Moore and Cregger are so self-amused, it is embarrassing and even Mr. Hefner (who should have put a stop to this immediately) appears.  Avoid this turkey any month of the year!eHefner (who Hef

 

 

The 1080p 1.85 X 1 AVC @ 38 MBPS digital High Definition image is soft and weak throughout, with poor detail, some noise here and there, plus color that always looks phony.  Shockingly, this is lensed by the great Director of Photography Anthony B. Richmond, B.S.C., who has never been so wasted in his career.  Glad to see he is working with Nic Roeg again.

 

The DTS-HD MA (Master Audio) Lossless 5.1 mix is weak, pedestrian and is one of the poorest recordings for a major release we have come across in a while.  Music is unmemorable, but is not presented that well, while dialogue recording is far from warm and is far from utilizing the format as it could.  A dud.

 

Extras include Digital Copy for PC and PC portable devices, Viral Videos (giving the virus part new meaning) and a Making Of featurette in two versions that are both pretty useless.

 

 

-   Nicholas Sheffo